I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
