ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
