he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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