I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
