yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
