SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
