Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
