3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
