I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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