You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
