thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
