I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
