I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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