I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
