I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
