Reggie can tackle my bush.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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