Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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