I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
