I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
