I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
