i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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