i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
