Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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