I feel like I'm in dance class right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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