He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I want to be your penis for a week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
