farters have to be the big spoon...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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