No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you will always have a special place in my vag
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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