He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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