you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So many bounce houses so little time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
