Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
