i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
