those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
