good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
