so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
