whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
