There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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