Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
