well I can't set my house on fire every night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
