So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
