Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
