and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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