jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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