I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
