I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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