Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Someone shattered a urinal.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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