hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
