and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
