Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
