The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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