i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
