Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
