my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What did we do last night that was yellow?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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