i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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