I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
