who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
