My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My vagina is officially offended.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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