My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
