And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
