I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
