She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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