I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
