Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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