i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
