you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
