Acid is not a monday night drug
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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