What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
