i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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