operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
