I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
