i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
