my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
