I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
