Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
