I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
